For decades we have been taught the men-as-default way of having an orgasm through intercourse should also work for women in the same way. But how could it work the same way, when our anatomies are not the same?
It might come as a surprise, but in reality only 25% of women are constantly orgasmic during vaginal intercourse. Non-concordance may have an influence on this.
WHAT ARE VAGINAL ORGASMS AND WHY DO WE VALUE THEM SO HIGHLY?
In short, vaginal orgasms are orgasms from vaginal stimulation. It is equally just as good way of having an orgasm as clitoral and anal orgasm or any other way of reaching an orgasm. There is no better or worse kind of having orgasm, there are just different ways of reaching a climax as explained by Emily Nagoski.
The two most common ways of reaching a vaginal orgasm are through stimulation of the commonly-known G-spot on the front wall of the vagina and the vestibular bulbs (also known as the clitoral bulbs) that extend down on both sides of the opening of the vagina.
Traditionally, the society has valued the male way of reaching a climax – through penetration – partially due to the man-as-default assumption, partially because of lack of evidence from science to investigate female orgasms further. For most women, the easiest way of reaching an orgasm is through clitoral stimulation and intercourse is not often the best way to stimulate the clitoris.
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WHAT SHOULD I DO TO CLIMAX EASIER?
If you are on the lookout for an orgasm (which we don’t necessarily recommend and you will find out more about below), there are a couple of things you might want to try out.
1. FOCUS ON PLEASURE AND NOT ON CLIMAX
If you find it difficult to climax and occasionally even stress about it, try to focus on enjoying the journey and the pleasure you are already experiencing without the need of reaching an orgasm. When we focus too much on the end goal, we tend to forget how nice the experience at hand actually is.
2. GIVE ATTENTION TO THE AREAS THAT FEEL PLEASURABLE
According to studies, 80-90% of women reported they masturbate in a way that includes little to no vaginal penetration. If you are like most women that don’t climax through penetration (either with a partner or by yourself), then focus on areas that feel pleasurable to you. Is it clitoral stimulation that feels amazing, touching your breasts or gently stroking around the anus. Whatever works for you, focus on that.
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3. GIVE TIME TO YOURSELF TO BUILD UP AROUSAL
Pleasure is a process. For many women, switching off from the daily chores to be ready for action, doesn’t happen instantly. Take the time for yourself to slowly build up the right mood and context to even start anticipating sex.
4. IF THERE IS NO TIME, GET A HELPING HAND.
Vibrators work in a way that they speed up the arousal by generating more intense stimulation than you would be able to achieve through manual stimulation. If you don’t have the time to slowly build up arousal, getting a helping hand might be the solution for you.
FINALLY…
In short, we encourage you to focus on you and what feels good for you. You don’t need to climax in a way the society is expecting from you or how your partner does. Embrace the beautiful and functioning body you have that is capable of giving you so much pleasure.
Also, did you know that the female orgasm is actually only meant for pure pleasure unlike the male orgasm? How cool is that!
